Jul

5 Tongue-in-Cheek Reasons to Use Social Media

By Sid

Yesterday I checked out the Twitter page of someone I was following whom I didn’t know. Her Twitter profile page said “Thank You Twitter — I am now Somebody!”

Today, I learned on the front page of the Oregonian that almost 3,000 people showed up at midnight downtown because they heard on Twitter and Facebook that there’d be an impromptu performance by Dave Chappelle. Dave appeared at 1am, totally blown away by the size of the crowd, and unable to perform because all he had was a megaphone.

Apparently, there are good, sound business reasons to use social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook. You can reach thousands of people in a matter of minutes, get feedback on your products, announce your new over-hyped mega-program, and give lots and lots of value to those who eventually buy your over-hyped mega-program.

But business aside, here are five (very) tongue-in-cheek reasons you might want to start using Twitter…

1. Look at me! I’m popular!

Wow… imagine having 10,000, 20,000 or even 100,000 friends and followers! Even the most resolute wallflower can feel the power of having thousands of followers. Who said that the cheerleaders get all the attention?

Now, anyone, regardless of looks, intelligence, or even talent can be popular. Heck, you don’t even have to be clever. All you have to do is Tweet, follow as many people as possible, and have them follow you back.

Re-tweet other, more witty people. Tell people what you’re reading so that you sound smart. My goodness… the ways to reach out and touch people are endless.

2. Hey, I’m cool, too…

Who didn’t want to be part of the in crowd in high school. Even if you WERE part of the in crowd (loser!), now you’re a NOBODY. At least, you’re not as cool as we are because WE are informed.

We know about ALL the cool stuff happening around town, like Dave Chappelle’s impromptu and SECRET performance. Did you know about it! Like I said… loser!

3. Objects in this mirror are smaller than they appear…

It is SO awesome that you can Tweet your little heart out to thousands of adoring fans who think you’re the best thing to come along since little Harry Potter.

It doesn’t matter that you haven’t accomplished squat in the world, don’t get more than 5 visitors a month to your blog, or have never owned any kind of business that made you money.

YOU can be a star on Twitter and Facebook! People who follow you will amaze their friends when you send them a personal Tweet. “OMG! She talked to ME!”

You can become SO big, famous, popular, and RICH beyond belief… The possibilities are simply mind-boggling.

4. Take THAT Match.Com

But maybe you don’t want to be famous. You just want to be loved. You want someone to pay attention to you.

There’s not much in this world that can be more depressing than posting a profile on a dating site and getting little or no response.

“I guess I’m unlovable.”

Well, wipe those tears away, sweetie… Twitter is here to take away your loneliness. Granted, when you first get started, sending out Tweets is like shouting into an empty stadium. But it does get better…

Before you know it, your witty remark will be re-tweeted across the world. People from places you’ve never heard of will follow you, send you love notes, and let you know that truly… you are not alone.

5. But I REALLY am a business person!

OK. Maybe you are in it for the business and not for the personal glory, power, fame or love (liar!).

There is one really good business reason to get involved in social networking: money.

Yes, dearie. You, too can become a Social Media consultant. You don’t even have to be old enough to drive or drink to become a social media superstar. Just start amassing a big enough following. Once you’ve got enough people following you, simply start doling out the advice.

First, you give it away because you’re just that kind of person. Then, and ONLY because your adoring fans insist on it, you create a small course. That, of course, leads to a longer seminar… and THAT leads to a monthly membership into your exclusive club.