Jun

Web Copy Tips: Learning From a Dark and Stormy Night

By Sid

“She fidgeted with the clasp on her purse and mindlessly glanced up at the clock. Only three minutes had passed. Three excruciating minutes of waiting for the police to arrive. It was an accident, she kept telling herself, as if doing so would change the facts…”

Why is most web copy so boring? I wonder if the woman in the story above had murdered her web site copywriter, and now she had to suffer the consequences of both bad web copy and a murder rap…

It’s as if we think others actually enjoy reading mind-numbing monologues on the virtues of “interactive marketing,” as in this bit of copy:

BCD Group started out as Paulette Carter Design in the early ’90s and was transformed into a group of innovative visual designers and programmers. By 1996 we positioned ourselves exclusively as an interactive marketing agency, concentrating all of our efforts into progressing with the development of the Internet — an essential channel for communication, sales, brand extension and workflow applications. (BCD Group – www.pcdgroup.com)

Truly inspiring, isn’t it?

How about this one, from another of Portland’s fastest growing private 100 companies. I spent five minutes on the site, and I STILL don’t know what they do…

Audigy Group’s senior leadership team includes executives with deep expertise and experience from both inside and outside the hearing care industry. Recruited specifically for their proven ability to build and manage new organizations, members of the team have diverse backgrounds in business design and network development that will support them in bringing innovative solutions to our industry’s challenges. (Audigy Group – www.audigypro.com)

The True Value of Story Telling in Web Copy

The copy above is fairly typical. It’s what we’re supposed to write when we’re writing “Professional” copy, either for brochures or web sites. I really have no idea where this idea came from, and it certainly wasn’t from any of the masters of advertising or copywriting. Here’s what Eugene Schwartz says in his classic “Breakthrough Advertising“:

“From that moment on (after the headline), your body copy does the selling. It does this by altering your prospect’s vision of reality. It creates a new world for your prospect – a world in which your product emerges as the fulfillment of the dominant desire that caused this man to respond to your headline.”

In fiction writing circles, they say that your writing should “show” and not “tell.” Taking the copy above from the BCD Group, here’s how they “tell” you that they are innovative and creative:

… and was transformed into a group of innovative visual designers and programmers… concentrating all of our efforts into progressing with the development of the Internet…

That’s pure telling. To “show” they would tell a story that “creates a new world for their prospect.” For example:

… then we asked him to slow down. On the speaker phone, his excitement came across like a herd of elephants. “You’re telling us that your conversion rate doubled just in the last month?”…

Think of it this way: if you’re shopping for a used car, would you take the car dealer’s word that “this is a fantastic car… handles like a Porsche and gets the gas mileage of a Prius”?

No, you’d want to test drive the car. When writing web copy, what you’re aiming for is to give your visitor an experience similar to test driving the car. You want him or her to have an emotional reaction to what you’re writing.

Scwhartz says that your copy must expand or alter one or more of the three dimensions of his already-existing mental world. This enables you to build his desire for the product, feel comfortable or comforted by the product, and to believe what you’ve told him.

There’s something in our makeup that enables us to more readily believe a story than a statement. Most people (at least those I know) will remember a fictional and emotionally moving movie long after a documentary. Stories simply move us to an emotional state where we long for the experience the story depicts.

Let me leave you with this re-write of Audigy Group’s copy (still not really knowing what they do):

You’re in charge, but you’re not alone. Can you imagine having the luxury of choosing from more than 1,000 highly lucrative and exciting jobs — and then sitting back and watching as industry leaders fall over themselves to hire you? And can you imagine the thrill of becoming an industry leader yourself, running YOUR business with the help of a highly-trained team of experts? …

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